Roger and Me

This is a story of divine order. He hired me into Los Alamos, got me into some nuclear  physics experiments, which built my CV somewhat. I got some lab experience, but most of  all some experience in the so-called school of hard knocks (1987-1989). Something personal (or "divine") happened where I chose to have excessive allegiance to him.   I sought his moral approval, and did things that I thought would gain his OK. The entire  experience showed me that meaning and joy in life can never be obtained by trying to  win the approval of another person. Meaning and fulfillment is also not obtained by going in the opposite direction, by me  judging him negatively. Maybe Phase II (2001-2010) of our relationship was characterized  by that, as I found myself working with him again. It did not help him or me in any  worldly sense. It just provided me another necessary lesson. He is with me now every day. You probably assume this is some sort of spiritual metaphor.   But no, we both quit our jobs at Los Alamos and now work at Sandia, Albuquerque. Because of a shortage of office space, we are office mates now (neither one of us has shared an office  with anyone else in years). Phase III, which starts now, is non-judgement. I am not on  this planet to pass judgement on my brother Roger. I do not seek his approval either. In case anyone is wondering how this blog got on AW, you should know that essentially 100% of my morning pages have been about the telling of this story. Coming soon to a theatre near you :) Bill Sailor